christmas

to pretend nothing

has changed

might be easy.

(ex) husband in the pulpit.

son beside me.

same smiles

in the same pews.

ancient liturgy.

bread in my mouth,

wine on my tongue.

is he here?

i think he is.

and i know

he is not.

dissonance

crushes my spirit,

blows my mind.

breathe out,

breathe in.

sweet reality,

one reality,

saves me.

i am here;

he is not.

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