what do i say?

i am closeted about my unbelief. i have only talked to some close friends, my adult son, and my ex-husband about doubts.

the holidays are coming (i start dreading them early). i don’t feel like i must come out to my family, but i kind of want to – but i don’t want to freak out my mom.

i (alongside my ex-husband) have told my parents that i don’t believe in the rapture. it freaks my mom out. she can hardly stay in the room. 

a couple of weeks ago i changed my religion on facebook from “opiate of the masses” to “no, thank you”. my mom got the message that i’d changed my religion and called me all concerned that i’d “changed my religion”. she apparently missed what my religions were. (it is currently humanist and i think it will stay there for a while, by the way.)

i’ve tried to open up conversations with my mom. i’ve gone as far as saying i that i just don’t know if i believe any of it anymore. she never acknowledges it and just changes the subject.

i guess that answers my question. she doesn’t want to hear it. if she doesn’t want to listen, then what’s the point of talking?

but it makes me sad that she spends so much emotional energy on religion. i’d like to tell her how much better i feel now that i have admitted to myself  the reality of and have embraced my unbelief.

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3 thoughts on “what do i say?

  1. Hey Heidi – In a few moments, I’ll be featuring a snippet from this post on BlogHer.com’s LIFE home page. I will write a brief intro, feature an excerpt from the post and then link back to the full post on your blog for our readers to enjoy.

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  2. You have my sympathies. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be. I think your mother is not ready to deal with it. That’s the problem with intense brands of belief. They get you all knotted up in guilt and fear to the point where you think using your own mind will get you struck by lightning. (I’m sure you know this much better than I do.)

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