It’s Jesus or It’s Me, but One of Us Has to Go

I have been following Kate’s blog at devangelize me. her most recent post, holes in the holy spirit, strongly resonated with me.

Throughout my christian life, I’ve had different ideas about the Holy Spirit – and Jesus – and God. I have been hesitant to take that last toe out of Christianity and when I read the post, I discovered a piece of my puzzle:

If I let go, where do I stand?

I grew up indoctrinated that Jesus Is more real than I am – or should be (can you say enmeshed?), and that there was one right answer (from Jesus) for all the stuff: who do I marry? where should I go to school? what should I do with my life? what should we have for dinner? where should I buy it? which roads shouldIi take to get there?

“Believing in yourself” was sinful and dangerous – the road to all evil, which is why this quote from the Reason Rally posted, on struck me to the core:

“I have concluded through careful empirical analysis and much thought that somebody is looking out for me, keeping track of what I think about things, forgiving me when I do less than I ought. Giving me strength to shoot for more than I think I’m capable of. I believe they know everything that I do and think, and they still love me, and I’ve concluded, after careful consideration, that this person keeping score is me.”

(Adam Savage from Mythbusters speaking at the Reason Rally)



5 thoughts on “It’s Jesus or It’s Me, but One of Us Has to Go

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  1. Thanks for following my blog, Heidi. I’m SO glad you’re finding your way to an understanding of reality that resonates with you more deeply than the Jesus facade. I finally left Christianity when I made this same realization–that it’s really just been me handling me all along. It’s the scariest part of deconversion but ultimately the most freeing.

    If you need anyone to talk to about all of this, please know that I’m available. I know that this can be a very alienating experience.

    1. Thank you, Kate – it is scary but exciting too – and alienating, yes. Almost 100% of my family is Christian – going way back. It is counter-cultural in my world.

      Thank you for being out there with your blog. I’d love to do a virtual cup of coffee with you some time.

  2. I know exactly how you feel – the anguish of preparing for that first breath after admitting to yourself that there is no god. Believe me, once you allow yourself to follow your reason (and logic) and you finally take that breath, you’ll find that the universe has suddenly become more wondrous, more awe inspiring, and certainly much larger than you ever dreamed possible. Once you understand that you are not flawed and you were not born broken, your life will become that much more precious.

    My absolute favorite passage that reminds me of how lucky I am to be here, out of all the possible combinations between my parents, is from “Unweaving the Rainbow” by Richard Dawkins.

    Good luck…

  3. Thank you, Larry, I always thought that upon getting to this place, my entire world would collapse, but it has really been the opposite. Thank you for the Dawkins, too.

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